Not THAT Desperate

35 days left until school starts, and I am bored out of my skull and desperate for ideas. Thinking my friend Heather might have some ideas for cheap local family entertainment, I gave her a call. She had a brilliant idea. If only I were insane...

She said to get a dog. Yep. Get a dog. Tell the kids it goes back if they don't entertain it all of the time. Make sure to have the boys take it outside often and make sure it doesn't run off. Or dig up the yard. Or poop. That'll keep 'em busy. Heather ought to know, she just got suckered into buying a dog.

Me, I'm no sucker. And I'm just not THAT desperate yet.

Goodyear Stinks and other Indy Observations

The only functioning Goodyear product at the 2008 Brickyard 400:

Pre-race drive by:

How exciting the race was:

Thank you, Goodyear, for ruining my trip to the Indianapolis Speedway for the Brickyard 400. 160 laps of misery, well, technically 140 laps because at that point we gave up and left. We spent a lot of money in Indianapolis between our hotel and miscellaneous expenditures for the race and came back with nothing but a sunburn and a good deal of post-race disappointment.

Wait, the cars are actually moving... at 70 MPH under caution. On the right, our typical view of the track.

For those of you who don't pay attention to NASCAR, let me briefly explain. The cars should go around the track at 175 MPH, only stopping when there is a wreck or if a car needs to pit for fuel, tires, or adjustments. At the Brickyard on Sunday, NASCAR stopped the race six times so that ALL cars could get new tires, because the GOODYEAR tires would wear out after ten laps.

I blame GOODYEAR for this, because the proof was all over me. Literally. I felt like I was back at the plant after a shift working as summer help. You could literally scrape the black rubber debris off of your skin throughout the race. (This would be expected at my short-track enduros, but not so much at a 2 1/2 mile track from 15 rows up, where the cars going by only hit full speed an average of eight laps before the next inevitable caution.)

There were so many cautions (mandatory stops by NASCAR as well as incidents caused by faulty tires,) that the race couldn't keep our interest, and on top of that, we were hot and tired. So we went out behind the stands to take a little nap. Ken slept well, and I had some fries while I watched multiple ambulances pull up within 20 minutes of each other to assist fans with dehydration and heat exhaustion (and boredom issues, I'm sure.)

Ken sleeping (and protecting our stuff,) and ambulance #2.

There were three cautions during our little break, and that's when I tried to convince Ken that we should hit the road. He talked me into going back to our seats for one more attempt at watching a race, but they called another caution before we even made it to our seats. Once the race went back to green we found our seats and settled in. Sure enough, a couple of laps went by and the yellow light went on; caution again. We were done. Bye-bye Indianapolis!

The good news: people in Indiana are really nice (even the inebriated ones,) our hotel was nice and comfortable (I hope so for $200/night,) and Ken and I got some couple-time. It wasn't all a loss!

Attempt #436: Hillshire Farms Commercial

Turn your volume up and press the play button.

Beef Hot-Links

Okay, I've tried numerous times to upload a short video of the boys singing a wonderful song (which I got to listen to all the way home from Nebraska.) The video kept failing to take, but the lyrics are pretty spectacular in their own right, so here goes... (To the tune of "Up on the roof, oh yeah, 100 proof, oh yeah,")

I got a beef... hot-link
I got a beef... hot-link
I got a beef... hot-link
I got a beef... hot-link

When they started this little melody, I had no idea what the heck they were saying but it didn't sound good. Finally I had to inquire about the little diddy, and Riley taught me the rest. It goes...

I say Hillshire, you say Farms
Hillshire! (Hillshire!) Farms (Farms!)
Go Meat!

I had no idea that this was a commercial, and judging from the actions that Shannon performed as he sang, I was unsure that the boys were actually referring to a food product. They are, aren't they?

Pictures From the Midwest

As I said in my previous posts, I was able to spend some time with some GIRLS while traveling this past week. Of course, there's my cousin's little girl Grace, with impeccable taste. (She likes me a bit.) She also loved the wading pool and seemed to get along with Corey pretty well...

We did a quick line-up with June's little ones, and I got the cold shoulder from Jessalyn after taking this shot because I didn't wait for her to say "Cheese." (My battery was running out, but that doesn't matter when it's your birthday and you are finally three and some weird lady just won't wait!)

And finally, something MY boys don't get to do everyday, ride rope-swings in the country. Shannon in red, Riley in black, and Griffin in yellow. Colton, Corey and Jessalyn gave up on the big boys and watched "Miss Pattycake" with Ms. June indoors, where it was nice and cool.

We had a great visit with everybody and thanks to you all for everything. Grandma and Grandpa, get your house back in place, and Laura and June, how's the deprogramming of your children going? Sorry for any bad habits your children may have acquired. Oops!

Full Days

We've been hanging out at Grandma's quite a bit the last couple of days, wearing her computers out with Shift, Shift Two, and Shift Three and whatever other games the boys can find. Uncle Casey has brought R2-D2 out a few times to entertain the boys, and that's always a big hit.

We headed out to the county fair yesterday, straight into a rough line of storms. I had a heck of a time navigating the windswept, rain-filled back roads, but Grandpa (in the truck ahead of me,) just plowed through at full speed. Finally the Grandparents pulled off, and after I (miraculously) caught up to them, we decided to head back to Lincoln for some fun times at Champion's. The boy's played for quite a while on the three-story maze and then emptied Grandma's pockets on arcade games. More of that wild and crazy Skee-ball for Corey. We topped the night off at Valentino's, where the boys pigged out, (Corey ate four pieces of pizza!) Valentino's really needs to branch out a bit, and they should start with Michigan!

Today Riley, Shannon and I went to UNI pool and had a pretty good time. Once they cleaned the vomit out of the pool, that is. Right after we got in the pool somebody in Lincolnland did the deed and we had to sit out for over 30 minutes while the staff scooped the bits up and shocked the water. It took me about ten minutes, once the all-clear was given, to convince Riley that it really was safe to re-enter the water. (I just filled him in on how much nastiness was already in the pool and he seemed to appreciate my logic.)

Laura and Grace came over to visit early this evening, you can see Grandma or Laura's blog for pictures. Riley loved playing big brother to a little girl, still trying to prove to me that we could try for one more. He was very good at entertaining her, and she especially seemed to enjoy the shoulder ride he gave her, while he simultaneously gave Grandma a heart attack. Hey, seven year olds don't realize that two year olds don't have the best sense of balance.

We'll be heading to June's in Iowa for a sleep-over tomorrow night, then home on Monday morning. Hopefully the drive will feel a whole lot shorter since we'll be embarking from two hours closer to home than normal. In the meantime, June had better be stocking up on Daiquiri mix...

Inebraska

Well, I've been in Inebraska since Tuesday night, hence the lack in posts lately. Inebraska is how Shannon refers to the Cornhusker state, since I always answer his questions about our trips or the grandparents with 'in Nebraska.' He just assumes I'm referring to his favorite place, 'Inebraska.'

It's been a good trip so far. We've driven 10 hours, stopped at June's for a quick happy meal dinner, settled in at Grandma and Grandpas, had an outing at my childhood swimming pool (what a dump that is now,) and then ran to Kellie's for a quick visit. All in the first two days of my trip!

Tomorrow Uncle Casey might take the boys up to the Memorial Stadium for a little 'Husker Instruction' (must keep them interested and current,) and then if the weather holds out, we'll all head to David City for the county fair and a Tractor Promenade. Square dancing tractors, only in Nebraska...

Go Fly a Kite

How to fly a kite on a really windy day. Step one: Don't let Ken control the kite. Step two: If he does, get the ladder ready.

Step three: Retrieve the kite from the neighbor's roof. (That's Ken up there.)

Step four: Just give the kite to Riley and let him go. That's Riley on the ground and the kite is the little yellow dot at the top left.

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Oh, yeah. We had a little incident upon arriving home from church this afternoon. Seems somebody decided to lock the door that leads from the garage into the kitchen, and it seems like a couple of somebodies just don't carry house keys with them. As we shoved Shannon and Riley through the dining room window, they squealed with delight. "This is really good fire practice, though, aint it, Mommy?" asked Shannon when it was all said and done.

Watching the World Go By

Well, we've spent a lot of time watching things lately. Friday I took the boys to an outdoor theater production of Where the Wild Things Are, where Corey shook his little booty every time the music kicked up. Then I dropped the boys off with their Dad and returned to the park to watch Pirates of Penzance, which was actually a really funny performance.

Today we all got to watch as my neighbor's entire stick built fence was erected in one day. I tell you, this was way more satisfying than watching siding repair, and the completion of this fence has an added bonus in that there should be no more doggie poo in my yard.

After a while I grew restless and decided to go and see the movie Hancock. It wasn't bad, it wasn't great. Then I came home and watched Ken, his butt still glued to the recliner, enthralled with setting new records on the Tetris game I'd recently downloaded onto my IPod.

I can only watch Ken kill a day in the recliner for so long, so after a little nagging (!) on my part, I sat back and watched Ken install my new Husker flag and pole. If the wind blows in the right direction, it actually reads as an 'N.' If the wind blows in the wrong direction, it's an inverted 'N.' Any other Huskers have this problem?

Ken wasn't content with seeing the Husker flag flying by itself, so soon we had the Buckeye flag up, too. Naturally, the Husker flag is much more impressive; it's new, it's on a nice new pole, and it flies a few inches higher than the Buckeye flag. However, in viewing our house to the North, the flags together read 'NO,' while viewing to the south, they read 'ON.' Any other Husker/Buckeye households have this problem?

And here's one more picture of the boys, who were told to go stand by the flag that they liked the best.

Why Did I Have to Ruin It?

While cleaning the basement (a good sign that the boys are in trouble,) the boys were having a typical conversation. Everybody was happy when all the sudden Riley breaks into his little tear-filled whine:

"I woke up, I thought it was going to be such a good day today. I had high hopes."

"Yeah," agreed Shannon.

"It was going to be such a good day, I was sure of it."

"I know, me too. Everything was going great," Shannon assented.

A deep pause took over and in unison Shannon and Riley mumbled, "...until MOM woke up!"

56 Days...

I love summer and all, but the boys and I are about done with this. Just enough going on that I can't pack the boys up and head to Nebraska, and too many days of boredom and squabbling in between.

We've been watching the siding repair the last two days, and even that hasn't really held our interest. The work was completed today, and with the siding off the grass I was able to get the yard mowed. Yippee, two hours of quality IPod time...

For some reason, Riley and Shannon don't care too much for the plastic wading pool anymore. They always ask me to fill it, but then they never use it. Could it be because Mommy is always screaming at them to quit splashing, when in reality that's all a little pool like that is good for? Or maybe it's that the target age for the wading pool is 2-4 years old? Heck, I was a regular at the public pool when I was Riley's age, so I really do understand.

And larger bodies of water are out there, but they're, well... they're dirty! I hate lakes, even if they are less than a mile up the road. On top of that, there's the fact that one of the boys always tries to drown right when I'm not looking. Lake Michigan is a clean lake that's only an hour away, but when you add in the hour of preparation, the sand in the food, and the chance of waves (Corey + waves = bad,) well, just not a good idea to go that alone without a herd of nannies in tow.

I was royally given the riot act the last time I signed the boys up for a craft at the library, seems the idea of making coasters was tantamount to asking the boys to drink poison. Of course they loved it once they got in there and realized massive amounts of paint and glue were involved, two substances I try to avoid getting into at home for good reason. But when the craft session was done I was informed that further craft participation, under no uncertain terms, would have to be okayed by them first. Yeah, so I went directly back to the library and signed them up for sand art next week. I'll show them.

Any ideas for free local entertainment would be greatly appreciated. Keep in mind, it must be physically and mentally stimulating for boys aged 5, 6, and 7 (as well as a mom aged 24.) Yeah, keep dreaming, I know...

Three Seconds of Fame

In the News...

My boys can sucker anybody into anything! I just went and settled in to watch my recorded 11 o'clock newscast, and there, just like the anchorman promised, was a clip of the jets followed by Riley and Shannon staring at the sky with their hands over their ears and then Shannon jumping up and down and pointing at the camera man. As rehearsed.

Cute as heck ('cuz they're mine,) but now that my boys are famous, I worry that they'll really believe the world revolves around them...

Michigan 4th of July

Can't have the 4th of July without the Enduro... and here it is.

Family. Boys.

Boys. Corey's favorite car.

My boys.

Can't have the Enduro without the racetrack's firework display (or Lee Greenwood, apparently...)

Fireworks at the racetrack.

Today the boys had a water-themed birthday party to go to next door...

Kiddie party? Water balloons.

And finally, Ken took Riley and Shannon to see the Thunderbirds at the annual Battle Creek Air Show. They're hoping to be on the 6 o'clock news tonight, after they harassed the news crew.

Thunderbirds.

HUH???

Don't ask me how/why/where/when etc... Somehow, after backing up the van, filling up 200 water balloons for the birthday party next door (new record, 40 minutes,) and picking up miscellaneous yard toys, COREY'S GLASSES MAGICALLY APPEARED! On the floor of the garage. In front of the toy box that I'd dumped twice in search of the specs. Right where my rear tire usually sits.

I'm totally baffled but extremely happy, new lenses for old frames would have been $140. Yippie!!!

Temper

Why do kids always cry for their mommy after their mommy just severely punished them? Corey just received every kind of punishment that is legally available for not settling down and going to bed, and nothing worked. I even sent Shannon in to another room but Corey still would not quiet down. Finally, a swat on the butt, an extinguished nightlight, and a door slam later, Corey realized the magnitude of his misbehavior. Uh oh.

Well, as soon as I get downstairs, the mother of all temper tantrums ensued. Regardless of what any of you might say, no matter how misbehaved my children may be, they are not ones to fall into a psychotic, all-out, screaming, flailing, toy throwing temper tantrum. Until tonight. Corey let 'er rip so loud, you could hear him screaming down the street.

Hilarious phrases like, "I WANT my MOMMY!" and "But I don't LIKE to be in the DARK!" rang out at at least 200 decibels. Shannon and Riley were soon begging me to give Corey back his night light for fear that THEY would lose their sanity amidst all the commotion.

Five minutes into the fit, I heard the blinds swooshing against the window frame and Corey yelling, "I don't LIKE my hand hurting, I don't LIKE to be in the dark and my HAND hurts!" Mommy waited it out and soon Corey grew quiet and hopefully a little reflective. Nothing ends a temper tantrum like self-inflicted pain, I guess.

Blue Lagoon

Well, I finally ventured out after the storm to check up on a friend's house since they are having a great time far far away. (House was fine.) Then I ran 1/2 mile up the road to the gas station, and you would have thought that gas was going for $3/gallon, they were so busy. Seems everything South of the gas station was without power and a total mess with trees down all over Gull Road. (Hint for the locals: stay home.)

On my way back I caught some pictures of our neighborhood lagoon(s.) It was getting dark, but there should be two lagoons here, and they are now one big lake. Some of the neighbors backing up to them were livid when we tried to get the city to install fences around them, so I hope they're enjoying their stinky 'lake-view' now. Ugg.

Weather reports are saying that we were getting four inches of rain an hour, and I don't doubt that. Around here, when it rains it pours. Literally, I guess.

Begging for Rain?

I never expected this:

The lake in our backyard. The lake in our front yard.

Hail in the backyard. Tony's former car just before it died.

Neighbor Matt kayaking at the end of our driveway during lull.

Matt checking on Tony, water past his knees. Neighbor's front yards.

Holy crap! Flash flood has a whole new meaning for me. 1 1/2 hours of 60 MPH winds and torrential rain. Wave two is wrapping up soon, we hope. Ken was stuck on I-94 for quite a while before doing a U-Turn and hopping on the back roads. Trees were down everywhere and it took him forever to zig-zag his way home dodging high water and debris.

My Colony

Okay... the good news, they're a variety of soil ants and they are treatable with standard measures. The bad news, this was the second worst infestation my Orkin man has ever witnessed and it could take a while to get them under control.

The fridge and tool chest in our garage will have to go for a while so the joints can be treated, and then the fridge will probably go just because it's heat and moisture create a perfect climate for a rapidly multiplying colony. There could be over 20,000 ants down there, I was told.

If you're confused, read my previous post.

The Carpenters

Sorry, no sappy love songs today, I'm talking about carpenter ANTS! I'm 99.9% sure that my suspicions will be verified this afternoon by my friendly local Orkin man. These ants (some with wings) swarm at night and die right there because of the bait traps. Note that I just swept the garage floor completely clean before this last swarm. Double click on the pictures to enlarge.

Those big dark clumps are pile of dead/dying ants.

This is one area they come out of, by my smoking stoop.

Toys are not safe from the multitudes...

See the light brown pile? That's the wood they extract from my walls to make their tunnels. See all the dark brown piles? Those are dead ants. This floor was perfectly clean when I went to bed last night.