What's Up

Hello! I haven't posted in a while, but most of you are aware that I have been spending the last 9 (almost ten!) days forgetting to take my Chantix, grabbing invisible packs of smokes that don't exist, and opening up the door to the garage without realizing it. If you didn't know this, well it's because I didn't really tell anybody when my starting date was because I didn't want to disappoint anybody. (Or myself.)

I am shocked that I have made it this far, I have only completely quit once in the last twenty-one years (!) and that was for three weeks. Every day was impossible and it didn't take much to jump back in at the time. This time I am so much more mellow. Sure I get a little cranky, but as Ken says, it's nothing compared to how I act during my typical hormone induced mood swings.

Honestly, I find that if I can just yell at somebody three times a day I am able to handle the withdrawl quite well. Luckily, I have a husband and three boys who easily give me cause to do just that. If they're not around, there are always idiots on Facebook for me to yell at, even if it means just spitting at the computer screen. Oh yeah, and politicians on TV, too. Okay, once I think I even yelled at a guinea pig, the point is I haven't dreamed of buying a pack of smokes!

Speaking of dreams, Chantix (further referred to as my miracle drug,) has some rather interesting side effects. Luckily I have not become suicidal, depressed or diabetic, although apparently these things can happen - please call my husband or doctor right away if my blood sugar skyrockets and I lock myself in a closet for longer than one hour. (Less than one hour would be normal.) The one side effect I have experienced, particularly in the first week of taking my miracle drug, is having vivid, crazy dreams. I wish I could explain them all to you but that would take forever and be a bit awkward or embarrassing. Let's just say that I don't need to buy any extra movie channels from the cable company, I pretty much work my through every genre on a nightly basis as I sleep.

Anyhow, I will hopefully be posting more now that I'm developing new non-smoking routines. They're not too different from typical Colleen behavior, I still stay up half the night and nap a good portion of the day. I still get on the internet, although I have quite a bit less interest in it for some reason. I still maintain the house, keeping it semi-clean and usable. I still... well that's about all I do in a regular day. 8o)

What is new with my routine is that I find myself cooking or baking on a daily basis. (The food is still inedible, but wow, it appears more than once a week!) Who knew that if you didn't have to pop into the garage every five minutes, you can bring food to a boil without it boiling over? You can actually hear the timer go off when you stay in the kitchen - amazing! And would you believe that your hands don't dry out to the point of bleeding because you're constantly washing your hands between smoking and dicing and chopping!

The downside to all of this time in the kitchen? Unfortunately I can now TASTE the food that I make. (There has to be a fix for that.) Maybe this is why my appetite is no more than it was before and I'm not gorging on everything in sight. Another perk? Since my mouth isn't so dry, I now drink 3 to 4 Cokes a day as opposed to my usual 8 - 10. Bonus!

Anyhow, I'm kinda proud of myself but leery about it too. I know I'm a gloomy Gus, but I'm hoping to stay positive with this. It helps that the kids are thrilled for me, (although Shannon said he LIKED the smell of smoke on me - reason #1 to quit,) and hopefully the boys are young enough that they will not be able to remember their mommy as a smoker by the time they're teenagers! It's the least I can do for them considering how this habit has affected our family.

Okay, I'm not going to dwell on this any more, there's nothing worse than an ex-smoker, (I use that phrase loosely,) who harps on things all the time. However, if you have anything positive to say during the next month or two, feel free. If you have anything negative to say about it, don't bother with the comment section, call me - I'm probably due for a good yelling session!